Percy gets addicted to Teletubbies
by squidward's nose
Summary: Title says it all. I don't own any characters from this story.
1. Percy Gets Possessed

"Hazel! Get over here! I need your help distracting those mortals!" ordered Percy.  
"What mortals?" said Hazel. Percy pulled her into a pure white room with a clean, plain, white bed  
"Haha...just kidding. I brought you here for a reason..."  
"Oh my..."  
"...To play with my Teletubby action figures, of course!"  
"Percy, for the last time, Teletubbies are super creepy spawns of Tartarus meant to brainwash little children."  
"They're super cute! look at their tummy-vision!" Percy shoved his Tinky Winky action figure in Hazel's face. That purple monkey-faced demon had a TV implanted in its stomach, which made Hazel shudder. Percy pushed a button on its hand. Tinky Winky's tummy-vision turned on. All the Teletubbies were standing side by side in tummy-vision. "Tinky Winky says: 'die!'".

Hazel screamed in horror. It looked like Percy had been brainwashed. She ran towards the door and slammed it with her fists. Wait...the door had no knob? This was worse than she thought.

"Get over here! Only for five minutes!"  
"NO! AAAAAAAAH!"

Percy grabbed Hazel by the wrists and carried her to the bed. His eyes were glowing red and the Teletubby action figures came to life with demonic giggles.

"If you don't accept my fellow Teletubbies, you will have to die. Teletubby bye bye!"

Hazel has had enough. She pulled out her sword and stabbed Percy to death, staining the bed bright red. The glow in Percy's eyes faded, and the action figures died along with him.

Hazel escaped by cutting the entire building trying to find her way back to the ship.

"What took so long with stealing pillows from that hotel?" Asked Frank.

Hazel collapsed from the horrible flashback. She couldn't stop thinking about Teletubbies.


	2. Everyone dies

"What's up, Hazel?" asked Frank.

"SdhrkghshdrjgfgHJSGGjkd," said Hazel, but that wasn't a reply. "Stinky Winky, Diaper, AAH AAH, Poo," she whispered, in shock.

"What's wrong? Where's Percy?" wondered Frank.

"I KILLED PERCY BECAUSE HE WAS POSSESSED," screamed Hazel.

"By what?"

"By Teletubbies!"

Frank stood there, shocked. He just remembered that his grandmother warned him about the Teletubbies.

"His action figures are still there. Leo, start the ship! Those action figures might come back!" ordered Hazel.

"Okey Dokey," replied Leo, brainlessly. The ship was still in water. This was bad. Poseidon will be very, very mad at Hazel for killing Percy.

"Get the ship in the air right now! Poseidon's mad!"

"Okay. lelelellelel," said Leo while french kissing Festus.

"O noes thei got auai," said Poseidon. Everyone on board cheered.

Half an hour later, there was an airplane in sight with scientists on board.

"Yep, that's a pigeon alright," said a scientist on the plane.

"Hazel, use your the Mist to hide the ship," said Jason.

"Right," thought Hazel nervously. She was still thinking about Teletubbies. All of the scientists on the plane screamed.

"That ain't no pigeon. It's a Teletubby!" said a scientist. Hazels made the ship look like a teletubby by accident. The pilot screamed and jumped out without a parachute. Everyone else on board did the same. There was also tons of chaos down below. Mortals and even monsters were killing themselves. The Teletubby was so big that everyone in the world killed themselves. Even the gods.

**THE END **


	3. I decide to continue the story

**I got bored (as usual) and decided to continue the story**.

* * *

*French narrator's voice* 10 000 years later.

The gods have finally respawned, only to find a completely empty universe. No life, no matter, nothing. they wanted pick on some mortals and get demigods to do their dirty work again. Zeus looked at his brand new PC that came back along with him. He searched for all of the god's documents and saved them, recreating the universe and everything that was in it before. There were only a few documents left: Poseidon's. He wondered if he saved them before all of the gods died. Poseidon was like a spoiled kid! In the beginning, he begged Zeus to fight for the sea just because it was the biggest. How was he the second most powerful Olympian?

"Poseidon, did you remember to save 'Poseidon's stuff - no touch!1!1!.docx'?" Poseidon blankly stared at Zeus. "Ya!" he exclaimed. "Good boy!" said Zeus, as he tossed his favorite snack, a rotten fishy cracker to him. "Lemme make!" he ran to Zeus, grabbed his computer, and turned it into a Mac. He saved his document again, and the oceans were recreated.

They both decided looked down to earth and saw life continuing as usual. Zeus spotted Leo's ship and remembered that they were still running away from Poseidon. A moment later, Poseidon remembered that Percy was dead. "GWAAAAAAAAAAAAH! PERCY DED!" he screamed. He tried to summon a hurricane on the demigods, but Zeus pinned him down. "Have a chill pill," he suggested as he handed Poseidon laxatives disguised as a tic ta. "CHILL PIL YUCK!" shouted Poseidon in a more aggressive manner than usual, even to Zeus. He shucked the tic tac at Zeus' 'secret' container of weed, breaking it. "If you kill them, there will be no chance in defeating the Teletubbies," stated Zeus. Poseidon just continued screaming, as he probably didn't understand a thing. Zeus didn't want to deal with his childish behavior any longer. He shoved tampons deep into Poseidon's mouth and nose so he couldn't breath. That would distract him for a while.

By then, the demigods were high up in the sky, in Zeus' realm. Poseidon wouldn't have a slight chance in harming them even if he managed to take the tampons out in the next few seconds.

Poseidon vomited and made it come out of his nose as well to shoot the tampons out. They shot Zeus' eyes. "OW!" screamed Zeus as he stumbled back with traces of Poseidon's stomach acid in his eyes. "Fite!" demanded Poseidon.


	4. Zeus vs Poseidon

Zeus and Poseidon prepared their weapons to fight. Zeus wanted to open the battlefield and fight somewhere other than beautiful Olympus, but Poseidon was too pissed off to care, so he immediately chucked his trident at Zeus. Zeus managed to dodge it, but the trident got stuck in his throne and started to shoot salt water straight into his eyes. It was only enough to stun him, of course, since he was more powerful than all of the gods combined.

Before the fight could continue any longer, Hera came. She saw the trident stuck in Zeus' throne, Zeus getting ready to attack, and her little brother Poseidon screaming like a baby. Poseidon spotted her faster than Zeus.

"SISSY OUT!" screamed Poseidon. Poseidon and Hera had a very strange relationship...it was what mortals called 'sibling rivalry'. 10,500 years ago, Hera stirred the oceans with a wooden spoon to make him angry, and most importantly, because it was fun. She also put gold paint on his underpants to make him think that he was starting his godly man-period. Poseidon had been planning revenge for hundreds of years, but his blueprints (drawn in crayon) were always on his throne in plain sight, so Hera countered them easily every single time. Now was the golden opportunity to get revenge.

He lunged at her and reached for her dress, and ripped the bottom part off. Hera ran off screaming. Zeus suddenly zapped Poseidon's bum with a lightning bolt. It wasn't like he would fall unconscious, it was more like a god-sized spanking. Poseidon tried to run to Zeus' throne to retrieve his trident, but Zeus found the laxatives that he tried to give him earlier and shoved the entire pack into his mouth. Poseidon ran to his own throne and sat down. It flipped upside-down and went into the ground. "I wonder what he did to Hephaestus to make him modify his throne like that," Zeus mumbled to himself.

"Honey, did you recreate the Teletubbies again?" asked Hera from behind her throne. Zeus checked, and he sure did.

"Crap."

Poseidon's throne flipped around again, and Poseidon (now with empty intestines) was on it with a piece of toilet paper stuck to his foot. He rose and unleashed an earthquake underneath Zeus. He lost his footing and fell. However, he simply teleported back up. "THAT'S ENOUGH, BROTHER," he said, his voice filled with rage and authority. He had no choice: he had to use the forbidden attack. He started dancing around, and began singing.

_I'm just a kid who's four, each day I grow some more, I like exploring I'm Caillou!_

_So many things to do, each day is something new, I'll share them with you I'm Caillou!_

_My world is turning, changing each day..with mommy and daddy and finding my way!_

_Growing up is not so tough, except when I've had enough but there's lots of fun stuff I'm Caillou, Caillou, Caillou, I'm Caillou! That's me!_

As much as it disgusted him, it had to be done.

Cracks appeared in the ground and opened up, revealing a dimension filled with nothing but inferno. A horrifying demon rose out of the cracks. It was the demon that other demons feared greatly...it's name was...you guessed it..._DORA._

"Vámonos, amigos!" she said in a demonic voice. She grabbed Poseidon's nose and pulled him into hell. She disappeared after that.

"He'll be fine," Zeus assured himself.

He pulled Poseidon's trident out of his throne and threw it on the ground.

He sent an Iris message to the demigods. "This is an emergency. I accidentally recreated the Teletubbies, if you remember them, and they are now trying to find you. They must be defeated!" The Teletubbies were approximately 5 times worse than Dora.


	5. The Demigods

The demigods re-spawned just a few minutes ago when Zeus recreated the world. Not much has changed since Hazel accidentally destroyed the universe. She was still shocked by what happened ten thousand years ago, but the others knew that they shouldn't make her use her powers (except for Leo since he was busy with his automaton fetish).

Zeus' face appeared on a nearby rainbow. "This is an emergency. I accidentally recreated the Teletubbies, if you remember them, and they are now trying to find you. They must be defeated!" he said through the Iris message. His face disappeared. "Okay everyone, you heard him. Let's forget about this quest and let the lazy gods do it. Let's kill those demons!" said Frank. He began to dance while trying not to trip over his leg fat. "Who ya gonna call? Me!"

"Shut up, Frank, don't you see that we're in the sky? It's the most romantic place in the world! Festus and I are trying to have a moment," complained Leo. He saw Frank's leg fat and he was immediately disgusted. He imagined the fat on Festus. The romantic mood was gone. He jumped out of the ship's window and took a parachute with him. He was blown far, far away from the wind. Piper tried to comfort Festus while the ship continued to fly straight. The others looked down through the window and heard a baby screaming. "Crap, I think that's Poseidon," said Jason. "Then why is he speaking Spanish?" wondered Frank. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! NOT DOOOOORA!" screamed Hazel. Poor thing. She's been lying in the corner the whole time then continued.

They noticed that the ocean was glowing orange and was smoking. "I didn't know that fire could burn like that underwater. Must be SpongeBob logic," noted Frank. "DON'T YOU SEE YOU IDIOT? THE WATER IS BURNING WITH THE FLAMES OF HELL AND YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE SAYING THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT FIRE CAN BURN UNDERWATER? BE SERIOUS, MAN!" yelled Jason, sparking with electricity. While Jason was still caught up with his anger, Frank had already gotten his iStone and charged it with Jason's electricity by plugging it into his bum. By the time he noticed, it was already fully charged. "Woah, how did you do that?" asked Jason. "I got a crisp old wasp to sting your bum to make it numb," he replied. "Wait, I see where this is going! You're trying to get us distracted from killing Dora!" said Jason. "You know what, I think you're right. I'm feeling a weird force right now," reasoned Frank.

Suddenly, an orange skinned midget with a head shaped like a watermelon appeared on the ship. She had a purple demon on her back and it was carrying a white demon shaped like a piece of paper. "Morirás!" she said. Hazel fainted in the corner, and Frank and Jason pulled out their weapons. Piper came out of the cockpit with her weapon. They were ready to fight!

**NOTE: I don't know any Spanish, so the Spanish translation was done with Google Translate (that explains any crappy grammar). Google Translate will be used for any future Spanish translations. Looks like Dora didn't teach me** **enough**.


	6. Dora vs the Demigods

Frank, Piper, and Jason stood in front of Hazel to protect her from Dora's wrath.

Dora was ready to fight, her eyes were literally on fire, and her mouth was smoking as if she had lost five hundred rounds of Dorito's roulette. The purple demon on her back, Backpack, also had flaming eyes and a smoky mouth. The white one, Map, tried to do the same, but he was burnt to ashes from his own flames.

"Sorry Dora, I ran out of fireproof spray for Map," said Backpack, in fear. "Really Map? He could have done hypnosis on everyone on this stupid ship and made an easy meal!" said Dora. She was angry now, and the fire and smoke coming from her intensified. "I will burn you if you don't make more fireproof spray babies!"  
"Dora! I can't do that and you know it!"  
"Of course you can. Did you think I was _that _dumb? I've never needed to fill you up once in my entire life!"

While the two continued stalling, Frank came in for the first move. He ran in and tried to trip Dora with his leg fat, but it hit Backpack instead. Backpack was thrown into the cockpit and landed in a puddle of oil and couldn't get out since he didn't have any legs. Festus was leaking oil, and no one had noticed. Backpack absorbed the oil surprisingly well.

Frank returned to stand in front of Hazel.

Dora was about to make her first move, but she noticed how well Backpack absorbed the oil. "¿qué diablos?" she said. She walked over to the cockpit and opened Backpack. He was almost knocked out. Dora ignored him and saw a bunch of bloody and oily diapers and pads inside of him. "Uh...Backpack! You're an object, how do you have a period," Dora said, trying to cover up the truth.

"Isn't Dora, like, seven? How can she have her period?" whispered Jason to Piper. "Enough! I'll tell you the truth: I soak up my victims' blood in diapers and pads," explained Dora, "then I go on air wherever the murder took place. Backpack actually has a pretty hard job, he has to hide all of that stuff from the hypnosis victi- I mean viewers. I can't use this blood any more since it's contaminated with oil".

Frank, Piper and Jason stood still in disgust. "Well at least _I _never watched Dora. It wasn't sexy enough for me," stated Piper. She knew that the others had all watched Dora when they were little. Jason, Frank, and even Hazel started to sweat when they realized that Dora could have hypnotized them in some way when they were younger. Could she kill them right now because of that?

Out of fear, Jason lunged towards her as she exited the cockpit. Dora dodged, but Backpack was stabbed. He was knocked out, but not dead. They could kill him later.

Piper tried to slice Dora with her knife, but she also missed. Frank sprinted towards Dora, but he tripped over his leg fat again. Dora breathed fire at Piper, but Piper told the fire to go back towards Dora with her Charmspeak. It hit! "AH! I think my fireproof spray is almost worn off," she whispered to herself. The fire caused some pain, but didn't injure her. It would be completely worn off within a few minutes. Jason cut her arm off while she was still in pain, but he tripped over Frank, who was still trying to get up. Jason also knocked over Piper.

Dora wanted to control Frank and Jason, but she had a clear path towards Hazel now, who was still unconscious. She could make fireproof spray out of her blood. She began to walk towards her, but Hazel was also beginning to wake up. Hazel's vision was very blurry, so she couldn't recognize Dora, but she could still recognize her as a threat. She got up and attacked Dora more aggressively than anyone else had already tried. Dora was bruised a bit, but that didn't stop her from breathing fire at her. Hazel had some second-degree burns, but she still kept on attacking.

Frank finally got up and managed to tackle Dora. Hazel had a chance to rest for a few seconds. Her vision was now fully recovered, and she could recognize Dora. She fainted again. Dora was suffocating under Frank's moobs. She was feeling really hot from all the smoke on the ship, which meant that her fireproof spray had worn off. Frank turned into a dragon and breathed fire on Dora while his dragon nipples touched her body.

Dora was no more.

"That was sexy, Frank!" exclaimed Piper.

Jason treated Hazel's injuries with ambrosia and nectar.

As the ship continued to leak, it also descended and was now floating on water. Now that Dora was dead, the ocean belonged to Poseidon again, and he was ready for revenge.

"DIE!"


	7. Poseidon is an idiot

"NO, NOT POSEIDON!" screamed Jason as everyone was crapping their pants in fear. Frank was painting a portrait of Jason on the floor with it.

"AI WIL KILLLLLLLL YUUUUUUUU" yelled Poseidon. The ship landed on the water and started getting tossed around from the waves. Everyone was rolling around uncontrollably and they hoped that they wouldn't get stabbed by their own weapons. Unlike the others, Hazel was just laying on the ground since she got stuck to Frank's poop masterpiece. Frank had been eating too much sugar which made it sticky. It still didn't help much since everyone was still rolling on top of her. Eventually, Frank's disgusting, smelly leg fat went too close to Hazel's face, so she woke up.

"Aaaaaaggghhh," she groaned. She immediately became frustrated since she wasn't able to escape the stickiness of Frank's crap, even when the ship was extremely shaky. During that all the time she had spent passed out, she saw a vision. It showed Dora in Hell, angry that all the blood that she collected was contaminated with oil. She was vulnerable since she couldn't make fireproof spray out of it. Dora was talking to the Teletubbies via telepathy.

"Get the stupid demigods now. Backpack screwed everything up," she ordered.

"Don't tell me what to do, stupid child," said an angry Tinky Winky. "We've already been after them and haven't been able to find them. WHERE ARE THEY?" he screamed in a demonic voice.

"Th-they're somewhere in the middle of the ocean. Poseidon is attacking them right now," said Dora. She forgot that the Teletubbies were more powerful than her.

"Alright then. Dipsy! Laa Laa! Po! Go find them before they Poseidon kills them. We need their souls. By the way, don't forget your scooter thing, Po," said Tinky Winky.

Water began to enter the ship unnaturally fast.

"Piper get on my back," demanded Jason. He really only cared about Piper, but decided to get the others just so he'll have a higher chance of surviving. He started flying and grabbed Frank by his fat bum cheek by accident. Frank didn't seem to notice, so he said, "I'm flying!" He also tried to get Hazel, but it was impossible. She was hopelessly stuck in Frank's poop. "It looks like none of you guys can handle my art," said Frank, proud. "Forget this," said Jason. He flew away without getting Hazel. The water covered Hazel completely.

"YUCK!" screamed Poseidon. He moved all water away from the ship. Argo II was a wreck sitting at the bottom of a dry area of the sea. Poseidon must have been grossed out by the poop. He decided that he would leave the demigods alone since they weren't much of a threat, they were just gross. Zeus even promised to bring Percy back if the Teletubbies were defeated just so he would leave the demigods alone. His fingers were crossed, though.

Jason flew back with the others since the ship was no longer in danger. Even Leo landed back on the ship. He immediately started crying since the image of Festus with Frank's leg fat was back in his head, and his ship was in bad condition. Everyone cleaned up their poop stains from earlier (except for Leo since he was throwing up from the weird image of Festus). Frank licked off the poop that Hazel was stuck in.

Suddenly, Hazel screamed, "TELLLLLEEEETTTUUUUBBBBIIIEEEESSS," scaring everyone out of their tired state.

"What is it now? I liked you better when you were unconscious," complained Jason. Hazel pointed above. There were four blobs in the sky watching them. Everyone crapped their pants again.

"AOEUOAUEOIUAOIIEUIOAUEIOUOAUEIOAEUOIUAEUOUAIEUAEOUAIOEU," screamed Hazel, in panic. This time, she made an effort to stay conscious.


	8. The whale

Everyone stared at the sky except for Leo. He was trying to get the image of fat Festus out of his mind by staring at Piper's uniboob. He liked the thought of Festus with a uniboob, but he didn't know that Festus was dead. He noticed four colored uniboobs floating in the sky. They had a very powerful aura which he didn't seem to notice.

The teletubbies (or uniboobs to Leo) began charging their first attack. Their eyes began glowing red and fired a laser beam at Argo II. There would be no escape for the disgusting demigods. They all crapped their pants yet again, but that didn't bother the teletubbies a bit unlike Poseidon. In fact, they enjoyed seeing their victims fear them.

Jason decided to make the first move since he was the only one that could at the moment. He summoned the most powerful lightning bolt he could summon and it hit all the teletubbies. They weren't hurt a bit. They all laughed and floated down.

"We're screwed," said Jason. "I'm the best, so that should have killed them all. This can't be," he continued. He tried to fly away, but Poseidon knocked him down with water. "STAY, DUMMY!" Poseidon screamed. He really wanted Percy back.

Hazel tried hitting the teletubbies with the little energy she had. She pulled some rocks, skeletons, and underpants out of the ground with her powers and flung them at the teletubbies as hard as she could. They only made it a few yards above the ground, not nearly enough to hit the teletubbies. All the materials fell on the ground except for a chunk of lead, which hit Leo on the head and knocked him out, and the underpants, which also landed on Leo's head to make a fashionable hat. Hazel almost collapsed since she used a lot of energy on that move.

Frank pulled out his bow and arrow from the folds of fat on his back and started shooting arrows at the teletubbies. Unfortunately, his sweat made the bow and arrow hard to grip. He missed by a lot and ended up hitting the water beside him. It pissed off Poseidon a bit, but he wouldn't lash out just for Percy. Frank transformed into a dragon and charged at the teletubbies. Stupid Poseidon thought he was trying to escape so he shoved water up his bum. Frank fell to the ground and turned back into a fatty.

Piper tried talking to the teletubbies, but she couldn't talk loud enough for the teletubbies to hear, so she used Jason's digestive system as a megaphone. She talked through his anus and sound came out of his mouth. "Please stop hurting everyone. I said please," she said, but the teletubbies were immune to her charmspeak. As soon as Piper realized this, she screamed, "You guys are stupid! You're not sexy!" Jason facepalmed. The teletubbies became angry and began to approach the demigods.

Leo woke up and saw the uniboobs. They weren't nearly as sexy as he thought, so he used fire on them, but the air was too humid. That meant that the teletubbies couldn't use any fire on the demigods either.

"You mortal fools dare insult us?" said Tinky Winky. Everyone crapped their pants again, and Frank tried pooping his sticky poop on the teletubbies. It didn't do anything, It just made the teletubbies angrier.

The demigods had nothing else up their sleeves. They all tried slicing, punching, and kicking the teletubbies, but they had no hope. Even Poseidon tried drowning them, but they only got annoyed.

Suddenly, Frank had the urge to merge bodies with everyone, so he made a human centipede out of everyone. He glued everyone together mouth to anus in a circle with his sticky poop. Everyone's anus and mouth was attached to someone else's. Frank pooped and it moved along Hazel's digestive system, then Leo's, Piper's, Jason's, then back to Frank's. There was a flash of light and they all merged. They still weren't powerful enough, so FrHaJaPiLe went super turd. It wasn't nearly enough power. The teletubbies just giggled and taunted himher. Heshe noticed that, so heshe decided to go super turd 2, then 3, then 4, then 5, all the way to super turd 200. The teletubbies began to sweat a little, but they could still take on FrHaJaPiLe. There was also extremely long, golden hair that went in everyone's mouth, so FrHaJaPiLe decided to transform into the ultimate being: _a whale._ There was a huge flash of light, and FrHaJaPiLe grew tremendously. Poseidon let the water fall on FrHaJaPiLe since that's the way that heshe could fight the best, but heshe was so big that parts of continents started sinking. The teletubbies regretted ever going on earth.

FrHaJaPiLe whipped the teletubbies straight off the planet with hisher tail. The the teletubbies teleported straight back to hell with Dora, where they would never be seen again. FrHaJaPiLe separated and cheered as Poseidon washed them up on camp half blood, which was empty.

Everyone lived happily without ever seeing the teletubbies ever again. Even Poseidon was happy since he thought that Jason was his son for some reason.

THE END


End file.
